You’ve Known Them Forever, So What? - Why Letting Go Seems Like Betrayal

Student Journalist
Jun 17
3 min read

Updated: Jul 1

“I messaged her again.”

It was the third time that week. No reply. No emoji. Just silence. She’d seen it, left on read, but still, nothing. I told myself maybe she was busy. Or tired.

Or just... didn’t feel like talking. I told myself anything, really, except the truth: I was the only one still trying.

For a long time, I thought friendship breakups happened with dramatic texts and slammed doors. But sometimes, it’s just a slow, quiet fade. You keep sending messages, reaching out, replaying old voice notes and hoping for a sign they still care.

The Digital Age’s Ghosting Epidemic

A 2021 Snap Inc. study revealed that 65% of Gen Zers have experienced a friendship that quietly ended because someone “just stopped texting.”

The digital age creates a paradox, one with an instant connection but an equally instant disconnection. The pressure to maintain these digital bonds often lands heavily on girls. Pew Research Center found that teen girls initiate 30% more digital conversations than boys, making them more vulnerable to the emotional labour of friendship maintenance.

Advika, a teen who had faced friendship issues shared:

“I always messaged first. Sometimes, they told me they don’t like messaging at first, even when we were best friends. It felt like the responsibility to keep us connected was only mine.”

The Weight of Loyalty in Indian Culture

In our community-based culture, friendships are not just loose connections, they are lifelong bonds embedded between family and the culture of connection. “You’ve known them forever, just adjust na,” isn’t just a statement, it’s a cultural expectation that loyalty is unconditional and forever.

While these traditions highlight our Indian values, they make stepping away from toxic friendships more challenging. A study from NIMHANS highlights that Indian adolescents face unique emotional conflicts, balancing personal well-being with community expectations. This cultural connection fosters a guilt-ridden environment, where “letting go” is not just about personal healing but also navigating social judgment.

Advika explained,

“Even when friendships turned toxic, I was scared to leave. Sometimes I’d take hurtful comments without any reaction, afraid of the fallout and that I was, like, losing a part of my life.”

The Added Pressure : Groupchat Politics

Teenage friendships are not just between two people. They come with an added pressure from the ecosystem, that is, a group chat. A global study published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence found that over 70% of teens feel peer group loyalty pressures them to stay connected, even when relationships are harmful.

Advika mentioned that navigating these group chats is extremely difficult and says that,

“People pick sides like it’s a war. If you step away, suddenly you’re, like, the villain.”

At first, it doesn’t seem like anything. But then, one less name on the group list. A birthday without any messages. A lingering silence on the chat. It isn’t bold or dramatic, just the slow fading of friendship.

The Unawareness of Friendship Breakups

While romantic breakups are highly glorified, friendship breakups are considered an unimportant aspect of adolescence. There are no goodbyes; just missed calls, unanswered texts, and slowly disappearing inside jokes. Researchers call this disenfranchised grief. A type of loss that isn’t openly recognized or socially validated.

The Setting of Emotional Boundaries

A crucial challenge for Indian teens is learning to set emotional boundaries in a culture that prioritizes group cohesion and family ties. The community ideals, while fostering support, can also suppress individual emotional needs.

Researchers argue that Indian teens often lack language and permission to express personal boundaries, contributing to prolonged toxic relationships and emotional burnout.

“We’re always taught to adjust, to stay quiet, to be loyal. But sometimes, you have to choose yourself.”

Unlike movies or novels, friendship endings rarely come with closure. There’s no big confrontation, no dramatic goodbye. It’s just the quiet stopping of texts and the painful realization of being left behind.

But this silence, though brutal, can also be liberating. It marks the beginning of a new chapter which is finding those who truly accept you.